I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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