I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
