He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
