you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
