OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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