he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
