We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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