Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
