I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
