It's Friday. Sex?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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