She announced her abortion via fbk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
