Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
