sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize