that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Im part way to drunk.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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