I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
