It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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