mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
