you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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