Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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