Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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