He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
