I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
