You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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