Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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