hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
