some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
