I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
