Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
