I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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