Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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