I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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