"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Come see our sink grown plant.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
