Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
