i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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