Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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