Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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