so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
