You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize