Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
