I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
