I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
