Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
