So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
