I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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