She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i now understand why vodka
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
