I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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