Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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