My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
