I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
