A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
