There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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