I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
